The emotional and mental cost of avoidance
As a PhD student with covert/interiorised stammering studying the philosophy of stammering, my personal journey with stammering has been as much intellectual as emotional. I’ve spent years working to mask my stammer with various avoidance techniques like word switching and inserting pauses to my speech.
These short-term successes often come at great emotional and mental cost. Rather than being present and relaxed in conversations, I find myself occupied with the task of managing my fluency and feeling on edge.
I am fundamentally valued and worthy of love
Inevitably, being human, there are times that I don’t feel as though I’ve managed to come across well to others, whether in terms of speech fluency or the content of what I’m trying to convey. In these scenarios, I have a bad habit of being overly critical of myself, as though my underperformance is something to be ashamed of, as though it means that I’m not good enough.
My Christian faith has taught me that I am fundamentally valued and worthy of love, despite how well I perform in any area of life, but unfortunately, this is something I’ve struggled to truly accept and put into practice, and I don’t think this unrelated to my speech difficulties.
Finding support in speech therapy
I’ve been through various forms of speech therapy in the past, focusing on fluency techniques and speech exercises. However, a crucial aspect I found missing was addressing how I emotionally respond to my speech, particularly my tendency towards self-criticism.
I recently come across a new online stammering therapy course called ‘Self-compassion for people who stammer’ by City Lit. It immediately caught my attention. After reading over the course description, I felt as though I’d found exactly what I’ve been looking for and signed up on the spot.
I chose this course because rather than focusing solely on managing the stammer itself, this course emphasizes the cultivation of compassion towards myself and my speech. By approaching my stammer with kindness and understanding, I hope to reduce the (almost) constant self-monitoring, frustration and self-criticism that often accompany my speech struggles.
I don’t believe that managing my stammer is just about how I speak; it’s also about how I think and feel about myself. I’ve always been hard on myself, and for me, this course offers an opportunity to change that narrative and to instead approach my stammer with acceptance and compassion.
It feels empowering to prioritise not just the external aspects of communication, but the internal, emotional side as well. By fostering self-compassion, I believe I can improve my overall wellbeing and manage my stammer in a healthier, more sustainable way.
The self-compassion course starts in just a few weeks from now so if this post resonates with you, I’d encourage you to take a look on the City Lit website to see if it seems like a good fit and to do so soon before the spaces fill up! This course feels like the right next step in my journey, and I’m excited to join others in exploring a more compassionate approach to living with a stammer. However you decide to do so, I wish the same for you.
Ready to try a something different?
Explore the Self-compassion for people who stammer course along with many other stammering therapy courses at City Lit.
